


Fundamentally Loathsome

by ArtThedevil



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8138857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtThedevil/pseuds/ArtThedevil
Summary: The pain was his only proof of that, and he loved it. He loved the pain. He knew it wasn't real though. The happiness the pain brought him was artificial.





	

_I want to wake up in your world with no pain._

  


Azusa laid in the dark, sprawled out on his bed, sheets stained with the red of his own blood. Long cuts covered his pale skin, everywhere. Arms, chest, stomach. 

  


_But I'll just suffer in a hope to die someday._

  


He'd thought that maybe if he cut deep enough, that it would be enough to kill him. But he was now waking up to find that he didn't die. He was only weak and in an immense amount of pain. He was alive.

  


_When I hate it, I know I can feel._

  


The pain was his only proof of that, and he loved it. He loved the pain. He knew it wasn't real though. The happiness the pain brought him was artificial.

  


_When you love it, you know it's not real._

  


What he wanted was one of the only things he could never have, the only thing that could make him truly happy. _Ruki._ He loved him. Not in the way one was supposed to love their brother. Not platonic in the slightest. He knew Ruki would never have him, he'd never return his feelings. That's why he cut himself. He knew that Ruki cared for him at the very least, and that he would do anything to keep him out of harms way. He felt alive again when Ruki changed his bandages. The places where his skin brushed against his tingled. It was electrifying.

  


_When you're in love you know its not real._

  


Azuza couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't enough pain. He wanted Ruki to love him. He forced himself up off the bed and opened the drawer in the nightstand to reveal a gun. He'd been saving it for the right time. That time was now. He held it in his weak hands, watching as the dim light of the room made it shine. Slowly, he raised it to his head, finger on the trigger. He waited, knowing he would come. And he was right. Within moments Ruki was in the doorway.

“Azusa.”

Azusa said nothing. He turned so he was facing him. _“Ruki.”_ He pointed the gun at him instead. Ruki grinned. He had a look in his eyes that said _“You won't shoot me.”_ Azusa hesitated before putting the gun back at his head and pulling the trigger.

  


_Shoot myself to love you,_

_If I loved myself I'd be shooting you_


End file.
